Sibling love. Shae and Oliver’s interaction hasn’t yet evolved to playing together but already, I see glimpses of Shae in his big brother role – like when a friend is holding Oliver and he gets quite concerned and tries to pull him away and back to my arms. Oliver watches his brother with wide eyes (often ready to wince as he anticipates being sat on no doubt). I think back to my own childhood and my siblings, especially my older sister. I was in awe of her as a child. She had beautiful soft, silky hair, eyes as bright and blue as the sky and full lips that curved up at the corners, ready to smile. She was quite creative and skilled and I strove to make my rag doll as beautiful as hers (it didn’t matter that she had six years on me, I was determined to produce something similar).
She knew me better than anyone. She was the shoulder I cried on when my first boyfriend broke up with me, she was the one with whom I could be silly, mad and however many other crazy emotions us girls feel. And I knew her better than anyone. I knew when she was pretending to be serious before I even saw a smile tugging on the corners of her lips. I knew when she was acting happy but was actually feeling anything but. We used to laugh when I would call her on her bluffs because she fooled others but not me.
It has been six years since I last saw her. There is so much I want to say to her that it is hard to determine where to start. I could tell her that everything that happened, that drew a wedge between us, it does not change anything for me because the bond we have is too strong. Some siblings don’t relate much to each other and once adults, they go their separate ways and reunite for holidays. But I was blessed to have a best friend in my sister. We used to compare ourselves to the Haine’s sisters’ in the movie White Christmas (“Sisters, Sisters, there were never such devoted sisters…”) How I wish things had been different and that we could have been there for each other during our times of joy and sadness. I wish I could have been everything she needed me to be before the chasm.
What I would say to my sister if she were reading this…I love you so so much. I miss you in my life and I don’t have any grievances whatsoever and I am sorry for the ones I caused you.
I would tell her that I am proud of her because I know that she is a devoted mother, a beautiful and gentle soul (she would likely argue this point but that is because she doesn’t see what I see) and a strong and intelligent woman. If there is something to be said for age, it makes you smarten up a little and loose some of your childish arrogance (and yes, I am talking about myself).
Oh my boys, I pray with all my heart that you will share a close bond and will take care of each other whether it be in the playground or after school at the pizza place. I pray that you build each other up and encourage those around you to act in love and kindness. I pray you have the best of times and that you will come through the worst of times closer than ever before.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.