It doesn’t make sense, I tell you. Each morning Jesse has been away has began earlier than the last with the winner of 4:50 a.m (and that’s including two or three night feedings for Oliver).
I have concluded that I have exceeded the limitations of regular mothering abilities together with sleep deprivation and am wired on adrenaline.
I. Have. TOO MUCH energy!
I made the “mistake” of napping yesterday and found myself tossing and turning for an hour that night.
Turns out, all this extra vigor is also fueling that ideal approach to parenting that I rarely actually employ: “get down on their level.” What I mean is, I am getting down to their level and playing cars with my kid every night. What’s with that?
I’m still trying to make sense of it, I can’t seem to though. Wonder why that could be…
I’ll give it a go.
For the first few days, I resisted the inevitable situation I found myself in. It didn’t help matters that I was feeling like I should be taken care of and doted upon with a nagging head cold. After a couple days of frustrated and “not happy” mama, as my son would say, it took watching a friend play with my boy to stir some sense into me. Only minutes earlier, my toddler had been the most disagreeable and miserable little human within a 10 km radius, I was certain. Now, my bright and happy boy had returned and giggled as my friend chased him around the yard. The transformation was instantaneous.
It was the turning point. I’ve been getting out and walking everyday since and therein lies the key for me. Never have I experienced simple exercise brightening my outlook so much.
Another thing…I started embracing having things to do – they were ways to pass the time especially in the evening which would normally be spent discussing this, that and it with my husband.
I think it comes down to accepting my circumstances, accepting my role, accepting my day with all it’s disadvantages. My two year old often has a little saying, “Dada, happy, Dada.” For the first time tonight, he said, “Mama, happy.” You see, he says Dada, happy, because Jesse always jumps right into his world – a world of silly sayings, playful wrestling and countless smiling snuggles. Why I entered that world now when logic says I should be even more grumpy and corrective than ever, I’m not sure. Maybe because “Dada” wasn’t there to keep my boy smiling and something inside me couldn’t handle that more than not having the extra set of hands. Maybe God gave me some super-human strength and I am about to CRASH once my lover relieves me of my post.
Whatever it can be summed up as, it has been a long, demanding and challenging week but I am floored to say that I have some beautiful memories of enjoying my boys. Floored because I was certain I would run crying out the front door as soon as Jesse gets home.
And no, I do not want want my husband going away for a week to become a regular occurrence. See you tomorrow baby!!!