My mind’s a buzzing, my thoughts darting about never landing long enough to provide the contentment that comes with knowing what your plan is and how you are going to move on it. I want to write, I NEED to write, but it’s just not as simple as sit down and put those typing skills to use.
To provide some context, allow me to compose a string of thoughts barely connected if only by the fact that they support my buzzing brain complex.
I admire the moms I know who are just there, 100 per cent, fully devoted moms.
I am devoted to my boys but every day, I grapple with the intense need to pursue something outside of mothering. I feel, like my thoughts, I never fully land a patch of time with which to daily dedicate myself to these aspirations.
I am a high achiever, that is, I aim high, not necessarily make it all the way but nonetheless, I am not satisfied with anything less than an A+ whether it be a “successful” day of parenting (when I feed my kids well, they nap on time, they go to bed on time, blah, blah, blah). Chill out, me, seriously.
Making the most of the small moments, like now. Babies are both napping although the older one will wake soon. Stealing minutes to form plans but where to start? Dinner plans? That’s an immediate. Developing my business? Scramble thoughts to identify least time consuming marketing and promotional plan. Long-term living and working plans? Who got time for that??? This time is so precious, so limited and all I can do is ramble some garbled, self-interpretation of the constructive way I would like to make use of these uninterrupted minutes.
Does this happen to you?
I want to make a positive impact – I want everything I write to be useful in some capacity. I want an A+ on time well spent. Curses, it would be so much easier if I was just completely accepting of whatever my best effort produced.
Maybe I am shooting for too much?
I admire you moms who are 100 per cent, here, now, fully devoted to your role as a mother.
Making the most of small snippets of time…currently, those moments are literally anywhere from 20 seconds to 2 minutes in duration. Not really long enough to even zero in on one item to focus brain power. Enter social media – a time wasting trap and a necessary outlet for anyone who works from home.
It would be easier, with regards to blogging anyway, if I was content to write a DIY rag or a journal of what me and my boys did today; sell brands; fashion tips; mommy rants – the makings of many of mommy blog. I’ve dabbled with a few but none hold my interest long enough to really commit to a bi-weekly if not daily posting.
I am trying to slog through through my piles of laundry, list of errands, balancing the budget, keeping up with friends, getting together with other moms and their kids, plan meals, spend time with hubby, figure out who I am since talking with single, childless people leaves me feeling a lot more socially inept than I remember before having kids. The years since graduating from university are nearing four and my anxiousness to put my degree to work is mounting. Throw in learning a new menu at the restaurant I started working at a couple months ago and welcoming a Japanese exchange student into our home for a couple weeks, maybe I am being too hard on myself.
Still, the feeling remains.
Thoughts still buzzing.