when we were young…

writing with passion, living with vision and acting with intention


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The gift of transient friendships

As a little child, I understood that friendship should be a permanent thing. We are friends now and forever shall be.

Into my teens, best friends came in and out of my life. That process of redefining the place of friends in my life has shaped how I view friendship now as an adult.

I know many people who have their life-long friends whom they have been close with since the beginning. I always longed for that but the continuous eb and flow of who was/were my best friends has predominated. It’s not to say that I don’t still stay in touch with some long-time friends but the season of close comradery has since passed.

I once considered this a shortcoming; I now see it as a gift.

I am a very open person – it doesn’t take years for friends to see me for who I am at the core of my being: faults, ticks and quirks. I embrace diversity in the people whom I draw close. For that reason, ‘best friends’ is a relative term. My best friend two years ago is not the same one from five years ago. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to invest time into building a bond with many different people, even though there eventually comes a day, a chapter of life where paths diverge and even goodbyes are said.

Living where I do, in a small coastal community, I have already said goodbye (not always in a permanent sense) to several dear friends who have moved away.

Very soon, I will again say goodbye again to two very beautiful women in my life as they move also.  I honestly don’t know when I will see them next as they are moving a good distance away. I wish they could stay near – that our children could grow up together, that our friendships would deepen and we would build a history and the ease that long-time friendship provides.

At the same time, I feel so richly blessed to have had these woman in my life these past three years. They have encouraged and inspired me as a parent, as a partner to my husband and as a woman in a world of people needing love at every turn. I can honestly say that their friendship has left a permanent imprint on the woman I am continuing to grow and be.

It brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat to think about the day that I won’t be able to text or call to invite them over or make plans. But I know that if I had my go-to, long-time established “besties,” I might not have had the time or need to open my heart and benefit from the time spent sharing the daily routines, challenges, philosophies, joys, and ironies of our days.

The world is brimming with so many beautiful souls – I am a happier person for every one who has imparted to me their best. As the door opens wide for new friendships, I carry along the long lasting impressions of women who have touched my life.

brothers, friendship, always, love, together

 


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When life got real

I have been grappling with some major writer’s block for basically a year now. I have so many thoughts and ideas for things I want to express through writing but when I actually have a moment (this moment is currently accompanied by my kids digging their feet into me on the couch and begging for a show), it’s like I can’t gather the pieces of my brain that are scattered all over my house.

Writers, you understand the frustration of writer’s block. I need to somehow get my words back. So I think I will just ramble, talk a bit about my past year. Not because there are wondrous tales to tell. Rather, it is an ongoing story of how life got real for us.

I feel like I became an adult this past year. We’ve had it pretty good – we still do. But if I could sum up this past year in one word it would be adversity. We have moved three times since last December. Throughout this time, I was pregnant, dealing with two separate flu bugs, an ongoing cold virus that had me bed ridden at times and bronchitis coupled with asthma that landed me in the emergency room struggling to breathe properly. At one point, we were even homeless for two weeks as we searched for a place to move into back up on the coast. After having Bronwyn, I struggled with Postpartum Depression which pulled me down to a darkness I have never known. It didn’t help that Bronwyn was “colicky” for the first six weeks of her life.

It’s no wonder, I suppose, that I feel like my brain is a smashed egg much like this picture that my friend Elyse shared with me.

brain fried, being adult, parent, small children

I do not care to repeat this past year. But I will take away some hard earned lessons from it.

Humility: We have been helped, cared for and given to again and again by dear friends. Accepting meals that you know your friends took time and love to prepare for their own families as they now offer to you – Humbling. Accepting help caring for your kids because you are so tired and sick and have never felt closer to death – Humbling. Accepting the shoulder to cry on and the ear to listen over and over as you struggle to make sense of the chaos in your life – Humbling.

Grace: Because you never truly know what others are dealing with – so be kind. Refrain from judgement and negative comments. I have wondered how many times have people become annoyed with my tardiness in getting back to them, thanking them, being that driver they honk their horn at on the road.

Relying on God: It’s just so not in my control. I can tell myself that I just need to think positively and find my inner peace, but I know that I do not have myself to thank for getting through this past year. Yes, I marched limped on but when I was loathing myself in the midst of my depression, I was reminded that the Creator still smiles and loves over me. When I was sick, I was provided for. I call that the Spirit impressing on people’s hearts to give as He gives. In acknowledging this higher power, my heart overflows with gratitude and assurance that myself and my family will not be left alone. If I all I have is myself to rely on, I am subject to my many shortcomings.

Gratitude: Because life is beautiful and that much more when health abounds and home exists.

coastal living, simple pleasures, childhood

Because pregnancy got better in the third trimester

feeling better, summer baby

Because this dad and this son light up my life every day

sunshine, warmth, swimming, lake

Along with this little one

summer sweetness, blue eyes, my oliver

Hey there’s a helmet riding a tricycle!

motorcycle helmut on toddler

And of course for this beauty!

20151013_135324

 

little girl, beauty, sweetness, God has answered

And just to keep things exciting…outside our front door!

fig tree muncher, pre hibernation, neighbourhood bear